In one of the last songs he wrote, Merle Haggard penned one of my favorite all-time lines in any song or poem, “Some of us fly,…ALL of us fall.” Merle was talking about the entirety of our lives and how it is unpredictable and that nothing is guaranteed, except the fall.
The song is not about death per se, but in the back of one’s mind it is not possible to hear the words, “All of us fall” without thinking about the end of our own lives or those of a loved one. At an early age we all learn from our parents about death and how it is permanent. Most shockingly, we learn that sometime we are all going to die.
“Sometime” came Sunday, May 2, 2021, for my dear brother John.
Many things have been written, said and sung about the importance of savoring each and every day we have. The day after we heard about John, we were on a walk when Marianne stopped to show appreciation to a landscaper for the good work he was doing.
It was a pretty normal conversation, the man looked pleased that Marianne had noticed his work, then talk shifted to an upcoming storm cloud. The man shrugged off the impending storm with his parting comment, “I’m just glad to be on the planet.”
The landscaper had no idea how appropriate and profound his words were to us at that time as we both grappled with the loss of John.
John was 71 when he died. It is impossible not to remember that our parents both lived to be 93. When both Mom and Dad passed it was sad but at the same time a relief for both of them. Mom’s engine just ran out of steam and in Dad’s case his brilliant mind had lost its way in the last few years. Also, they had outlived most of their own contemporaries, families and friends in their own generation.
John’s life was cut short, as sadly, are the lives of so many others. Losing a sibling is different than losing a parent. The latter is expected, but not the former. It also cannot be denied that no matter what else, it is impossible not to think about one’s own future, “Am I next?”
As I am sure most people ask when they lose a loved one, “What would John want us to do?” My guess is that he would say something like, “Live life to the fullest, move forward, play tennis.” Or maybe John would just say, “Have a beer.”
It takes a long while to realize it, at least it did for me, but the real value in life is not found in personal achievement, money, things, glory/celebrity or even in dedication to a just cause.
The most common denominator and most limited resource, is time. Loving relationships are even more valuable than time, and they can exist long beyond the time allotted to each us.
As I reflect, it is easy to look back and say I wish I had spent just a little more time with John. There are many quotes about the past, present and future. One that comes to mind is, “Remember the past, plan for the future, but live for today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.”
As the landscaper said, every day we need to be, “Just glad to be on the planet.”
I am just now reading this, Jim, and know the deep emotion, grief and love behind your words. As you and Pete both express, John was more than our brother, he truly was our lifelong friend. And as Craig said, we are among the very fortunate to have landed in an immediate and extended family with so many good and decent people who appreciate and enjoy one another. We had the best of role models. Not everyone gets to live a long and healthy life and I think John knew that. Nonethless he was not a complainer or one to dwell on personal woes. Although he certainly could get riled up or aimlessly miss something, he was one who seemed glad to be on this planet each day and cared about the plight of others. May God grant Denise, Mark, and each of us peace and reassurance that we have much to be thankful for because of John. Love you, Martha
My second cousing Craig Aldworth contributed the following comment which I want to share also:
“I am sure each of the cousins has the same warm memories of John as I do. It is great to be part of a family that includes individuals like John.
On the other hand, his passing is the first in our generation. His death is the start of the loss of us. The minds that remember our parents, our upbringing, and our culture will now diminish steadily. The circle around the reunion campfire is growing smaller.
Our parents, faced this same passage and all continued to live actively, each day as much as possible. I am thankful we had such good examples to follow. I hope we can be a good example, in turn, to the next generation.”
Craig
Jim – Sorry to learn about the death of your brother. I don’t remember him from our Swarthmore days, but a couple of years difference seemed more of a separator in those days. Maybe he was in my brother’s class. It is a big shock to lose a sibling, isn’t it? I’ve lost a younger brother and sister, myself, and can sympathize with you. And that seems good advice you are offering. I’ve given up on personal achievement, pursuit of money, things, glory and celebrity. But dedication to a just cause still holds value to me, especially in the times we are in. Today was a particularly nice day to still “be on the planet”. Let’s keep it going as long as we can.
Jim,
Thank you so much for sharing this. My heart goes out to you and your entire family. And thank you for the timely reminder – I will hold your words close.
Love,
Michelle
Thanks Jim for writing and sharing some of your thoughts on the Death of our Brother, John Mark Simpson.
It all seems so surreal even though my experience with this loss is somewhat different from your’s , having just spent time with John sharing meals and conversation just approximately twenty four hours before he passed. Among my first thoughts after hearing the news from Denise was sadness , loss and the notion that I had no unfinished business with John , we were certainly at peace with each other as brothers and friends… with the exception that I had never fessed up to him that I had stolen about a dollar and twenty five cents in dimes and nickles from his rare coin collection when I was nine or ten years old. I am sure at times growing up I was the pesky little brother spying on him and his friends…when I got caught he or his friends would tell me to ” go play jacks on the freeway’ code for get lost…. scram etc… John taught me how to play chess, all sorts of board games , baseball, football, ping pong and tennis. He showed much support to me through the years attending many of my sporting events and Theater productions from childhood through adult. I knew his health was challenged but I expected he would be with us a few more years. I will miss him greatly.
Amen brother (cousin)!
Ah, Jim, …so sorry for your loss, and so grateful for your insights shared. Hindsight always seems to provide a truer lens. My only sibling is brother Jim, a year and half older than me but lightyears distant in his more extreme right Republican viewpoints. I have and continue to ponder, how will I feel at his passing if he pre-deceases me? What efforts made now might mitigate feelings of regret later? Those made have not been reciprocated. I feel so estranged now, I wonder if I would truly act on my current inclination to not even attend whatever service would be held? Sad, but true, and still pondering.